Night of the Living Stupid

Every story needs a good villain. Without the Joker, Batman would just be that weird dude wearing a black rubber suit. If Nurse Ratched wasn’t part of the story, “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” would be a dry documentary on the inadequacies of mental healthcare in the United States. Villains tend to be the…

Greatest Hits

  I have the distinct honor of being the only person in history to be called, to her face no less, a “Cum guzzling pussy fart”. That is some creative shit, right there. Bravo, dude who said it. The moment that I was bestowed with this prodigious title, I laughed. First, how could I not?…

Cult 45

If I had to sum up my undergraduate years using only two words, they would be “broke” and “drunk”. This combination led to mass consumption of alcoholic concoctions that can best be described by the sentiment, “Ugh, I think I’m going to barf. Pour me another one”. There was the time I mixed tequila and…

Maximum MAGA Reached!

Last week, I hit maximum MAGA capacity. I liken the feeling to the time during seventh grade when I was staring at a boy I thought was cute. Everything was going okay. I was  walking the perimeter of the basketball court with a group of friends, when I looked over and caught the eye of…

The Courage of Our Convictions

The first time I employed the courage of my convictions I was in 6th grade. It involved a bathroom pass and a bad case of the shits. My teacher at the time, who shall remain nameless, refused to allow me the use of said bathroom pass. Even though I followed the proper procedure – i.e….