I am not a tolerant liberal. I am not a member of the “peaceful and compassionate left”. I am neither civil, nor polite. My aim is not to find “common ground” with those who do not and cannot acknowledge the ground we’re standing upon is eroding beneath us. I will not listen with an open…
Dick Pick
Living in the age of social media, smart phones and dating apps almost every woman of my generation is aware of the infamous “dick pic”. When a man you’ve been texting or talking to, without any instigation or prior warning, sends you a picture of his junk. Two things about this, gentlemen. First, never…
Slay the Beast
There have been times in my life when I’ve tried to reason with inanimate objects. I once had an entire conversation with a shower curtain I was attempting to hang, regarding how it was going to cooperate with me. That is a true story, and it didn’t. When reasoning with the random nouns surrounding me…
Faking It
My first job after graduating with my bachelor’s degree was working at a wilderness camp for at-risk youth. This involved hardcore, outdoor living. Canoeing for miles and then setting up camp. Cutting down trees with hand saws and chopping wood. Building fires and cooking over them. Cockroaches big enough to strap saddles on and ride…
All The Best Laid Plans
I come from a family of “planners”. Even though I’ve protested my own innate need for detail management, I am well aware that this family trait did NOT skip me. Now, I’m not at my older, sister Lisa’s level of planning. Where the minutiae of each detail is broken down into a quintuple layered outline……
Boiling Frogs
I came to the realization that I was officially getting older about two years ago. At first I thought it was a case of “Rapid Onset Curmudgeon”, but then I started to reflect on my behavior and realized it was more of a gradual trend towards grumpiness and joint pain. I found myself having to…
Night of the Living Stupid
Every story needs a good villain. Without the Joker, Batman would just be that weird dude wearing a black rubber suit. If Nurse Ratched wasn’t part of the story, “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” would be a dry documentary on the inadequacies of mental healthcare in the United States. Villains tend to be the…
The Truth According To Trump
My older sister is an amazing pianist. We have photos of her from when she was four, playing my grandmother’s upright piano. I assume she was probably banging out Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto No. 2. Meanwhile, all of my childhood pictures appear to capture me attempting to eat the Christmas Tree decorations or picking my nose….
Is This Real Life?
I once cracked a bowling ball with my head. I am not making that up. One moment I was stopped at a red light, and the next I was being rear ended by the car behind me going roughly 35 MPH. There was approximately one tenth of a second between my realizing what had…
Bitch Perfect
Women aren’t complicated. I know a lot of men like to say we are, but this just isn’t true. We’re basic human beings that eat, sleep, work and YES even poop. When we say, “I’m fine” it almost always actually means that we’re fine. If we’re being quiet, it doesn’t automatically imply we’re giving you…
The Blizzard 